writing wednesdays: favorite posts from 2009

"These are a few of my fa-vor-ite things posts..."

I'll be gone the rest of the week, attempting a "botched Christmas re-do" with the family, so thought it might be fun to select a favorite post from each month of the year and share them all in one tidy spot. You can linger a while or read one now and come back a different day for another. I enjoyed perusing my blog "files" to review what I've produced in my time here over 2009, and whenever I came upon two I liked, I chose the shorter of them, generally, for reader ease. I look forward to more blog exchanges, reading and writing in the coming year. Since I probably won't have the chance to say it on Friday, Happy New Year! Blessings and peace to you now and always... Peace Garden Mama

January - My Husband and Eddie Van Halen

February - Winter Roses

March - The Power of the Hurried Kiss

April - Sacramental Sweetness

May - Mother’s Day Treasures

June - How to Let Go

July - Lesson from the Heart from my Daughter

August - The Deception of Blogging

September - Staying Home: No Regrets

October - Sidelines Mama

November - Hug Bugs

December – Favorite Gift 2009

If you're a blogger, what was your favorite post in 2009? Share the url here -- I'd love to read it!

boyd christenson reunites with spiritual family

[Scanned from The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead's Sunday paper, 12-27-09]

Today, I sang with a group of musicians at the funeral services of a man I came to know best through my friend Laura. Though Boyd Christenson has been a household name in Fargo for years due to his memorable career in television and radio broadcasting, I didn’t know "that Boyd," having grown up outside the area. I first met Boyd around 1996 at the library in Moorhead, where I’d gone one afternoon to look for some children’s books for my young son. Boyd came up to us and started talking to my child and me as if we were the last two people on earth. Several years later, I was privileged to get to know him again as Laura’s father, especially in the months just before her death when he lovingly helped usher his oldest child into the next world. What heartache for a parent, and yet I watched him and Laura’s mother, Marlene, do this with such grace that I couldn’t help, as a parent myself, to be profoundly moved by what I witnessed.

In the last six years, Boyd suffered, and his family with him as they endured the effects of his Alzheimer’s disease; an affliction that seems especially insidious when it ravishes the mind of one with such a sharp intellect, when it targets one with an eternal yearning to make connections and love completely.

On Sunday, I was thinking about Boyd and his family while our new priest gave a homily about family based on the readings from Luke 2:39-52. These particular passages recount how Jesus, at age 12, disappeared for a few days in Jerusalem, where his family had gone to take part in the Feast of the Passover. After a three-day search, they finally found him in the temple courts among the teachers, listening and asking questions. When Mary questioned Jesus over why he had disobeyed, expressing her and Joseph’s anxious feelings over having lost him, Jesus answered, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?” They were perplexed by his response. They didn’t understand.

Father D. talked to us about Jesus’ having grasped that he belonged to two families: his earthly family with Mary and Joseph, and his spiritual family with God and all the saints. Our earthly families can offer some of the most precious blessings we’ll experience on earth, he said, but our most important family is not the one we have here but that which awaits us on the other side of the veil.

Perplexing, is it not? But no more difficult to grasp than what Mary and Joseph grappled to understand when Jesus said to them, “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”

It’s as if Boyd has been saying this same thing these last couple years. “Don’t you know I have to be in my Father’s house?” And over the last week as I’ve watched Boyd’s family respond to his impending death, I’ve come to better understand more deeply the purpose of our earthly families and how we’re meant to live out our lives with our loved ones. We are in these earthly circles primarily to learn to love, imperfectly so, I might add, so that we might do so more perfectly in the life and family that is to follow.

But never was the concept of the earthly/spiritual family so poignant to me as when I received an update email message from Boyd’s daughter Mona just hours before his death on Tuesday. She’s graciously agreed to allow me to share an excerpt of that message describing how the family spent its last hours with Boyd – husband, father, grandfather:

My father was relatively stable yesterday morning and we were longing for more privacy, space, and the comfort of familiar surroundings, so we made the decision to bring him home to die, an action for which we will all be eternally grateful. He's in a hospital bed in front of the fireplace in the spacious, bright family room. We have formed a cocoon around him, snuggling with him in the bed, sleeping on and off on nearby chairs and sofas, candles burning, wine flowing, his favorite jazz tunes adding to a soundscape of rich conversation and storytelling, anguished weeping, and joyful laughter. Dear friends are coming by with substantial offerings of food, holiday treats, strength, and warm embraces. With the help of a few simple medications and other comfort measures to ease pain, agitation, and difficulty breathing, he is incredibly calm and peaceful. After what we thought was his last breath early this morning, I observed, "We all know that the love awaiting him on the other side is beyond our wildest imaginings, but what's going on in this room has got to make it awfully hard for him to leave." However, it is highly likely that on this, the shortest day of the year, he will make what has to be the very short journey into the arms of his daughter Laura and others who are preparing a place for him.

I have no doubt that you all are ardently holding us in your thoughts and prayers, and we are feeling completely sustained and inspired by the strength of your spiritual support. I am most grateful for the texts, emails, and phone calls that have seemed to come at the most opportune moments. And allow me to make one very sincere declaration: It is not a horrible, grim state of affairs that my father is dying the week of Christmas. Quite the opposite, in fact. Never has the Light and Love of the Incarnation been more real and palpable than at this very moment. The gift of the Christ Child this year will be the relief of my father's suffering and the intense love that is permeating every aspect of this sacred experience. We feel so blessed, so fortunate. We rejoice!

What a beautiful account, a hopeful message of love, even in the midst of suffering and sadness! It is so very obvious to me, through Mona’s eloquent words, that the spirit really does live on. This truth also became apparent at the burial today when the coffin refused to go down easily. After too many moments of awkward quiet, Mona broke the silence, declaring that her father had inspired the last laugh as usual. Yes indeed, Boyd, you are still with us!

But the spirit lives on only insofar as it fulfills its purpose to help us move onward, to lure us toward that shining place that we all will experience someday if we aspire toward the light. The more fervently we move toward it in this life, the more naturally we’ll be drawn toward it when our own time on this earth comes to a halt.

As Boyd’s children and grandchildren have noted, his eroded memory has been fully restored now. He’s more able than ever to do the most important work of a father -- to guide his family to heaven.

Those of us who remain are here for a reason. We haven’t learned the lessons we are meant to learn, have not yet done the work we’ve been called here to do. There’s still time. Boyd has reminded me that living to the fullest while we can is the only way to go, and seeing God in everyone we meet, especially the most vulnerable and weak among us, is not an impossible endeavor. What a beautiful reminder as 2009 comes to a close. It’s time to roll up our sleeves and fulfill our purpose!

What are the lessons you’ve learned from those dear ones who have passed on in 2009?

mama mondays: favorite gift 2009

Kid quote (overheard at lunch today as the kids discussed why summer sausage is so named):

Adam, 7: "Maybe it's cuz it's made in the summertime."

Nick, 4: "I know. Maybe it's cuz it's got somersault in it!"

Favorite gift 2009

I looked at the two brown boxes under the Christmas tree with a question mark in my mind. Who had put those unwrapped presents there, and when? Were they there by mistake? Then something distracted me and I moved on to other concerns, forgetting about the mysterious presents at the base of the tree.

Our middle son, age 7, seemed extraordinarily excited about gift-opening this year, and it soon became apparent why. It wasn't so much because of his eagerness over opening the gifts that awaited him, as I'd suspected. When it came time to despersing gifts, Adam rushed over to collect the two unwrapped boxes.

"Here's yours," he said to his Dad, "and yours," he said, placing a box held together precariously with Scotch tape next to me.

The gift-opening commenced as usual, with the youngest going first and moving up to the oldest. When it was the parents' turn, Adam glowed with expectation. I opened my brown box to find a precious gift within: his favorite, soft teddy bear.

"You like it?" he asked.

"I do, but are you sure you want to give it to me? I know it's your favorite."

"Yup. Wanna know why I want to?"

"Why?"

"Because it has hearts on it, and that means love, and I love you so much," he said, nuzzling my shoulder.

Of course, I loved all the gifts I got this Christmas, but later that evening, as I snuggled up with my new red teddy bear, the gift of love from my son flooded my heart. I thought of him thinking it all out, ruminating over whether he was ready to give up something so dear to him, finding a box and tape, placing it under the tree. All of these gestures...so that I would have something from him, from his heart, to open on Christmas. I was blown away, filled with warm sentiment; so much, it seemed, that it might possibly last a lifetime.

This is what Christmas is all about: love! After receiving that gift, everything else was gravy.

If we have love in our lives, we are rich as kings.

What was your favorite gift from Christmas 2009?

two shovels and a snowplow

Typically, our cul-de-sac is not a neighborhood gathering spot until spring, when everyone begins coming out of the woodwork again. "Hey!" we yell to one another from across the way, showing that we are real, that the houses we've driven near and by all winter, as well as our own, really did contain people within them. But today, post-Christmas, the holed-up were looking to clear a path to the main road so that everyday life might begin again, someday soon. And so those signs of life in the neighborhood happened here and now, in the middle of a North Dakota blizzard, when hubby and a few neighbors stopped for a digging break to make it known that life does continue to happen, even here in the frozen hinterland on a record-setting-snowfall day.

faith fridays: christmas 2009 -the ups and downs of it

"Roasted marshmallows anyone?"

Christmas 2009 - The Ups and Downs of It

Well, as with life in general, Christmas 2009 has brought some unexpected surprises -- some more welcomed than others. As people of faith, we watch with delight as our blessings rise to the top, even among the splatterings of disappointment that have come despite best-laid plans and preparations.

I'm borrowing an idea from a friend to share a few of the highs and lows:

Fortunately, we got our white Christmas this year.

Unfortunately, blizzard and snow-storm warnings kept us from being with extended family.

Fortunately, once we realized we weren't going to be going out of town after all, there were still a few delivery spots left at cashwisedelivers.com, our favorite online grocery-deliver service.

Unfortunately, after we placed the order, we realized the delivery time frame would conflict with the Christmas Eve Mass we were hoping to attend.

Fortunately, Cashwise was kind enough to fit us into an earlier time slot and our Christmas groceries arrived in time to leave for the 4 p.m. Mass.

Unfortunately, even though we arrived plenty early, we had to sit in overflow seating, which put us just a few feet from the church door and parking lot.

Fortunately, there were enough seats left for us.

Unfortunately, a few of us ended up standing anyway after giving up our seats to some elderly folks.

Fortunately, the elderly folks had a place to sit.

Unfortunately, we felt a little misplaced, and it was hard to hear some of the service.

Fortunately, we celebrated the birth of our Savior despite imperfect conditions, and, in the end, were able to appreciate that our church is bursting at the seams with those wanting to get to know Jesus better, rather than being stark and empty.

Unfortunately, we weren't quite prepared for an early Christmas meal.

Fortunately, we found a Chinese restaurant open on Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, we had a huge chocolate-milk spill toward the end of the meal.

Fortunately, our tummies were full, the managers were sweet about the spill, and I didn't have to go home and cook on Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, I couldn't set aside thoughts on the death of my friend's father, a person who will be greatly missed.

Fortunately, I was asked to be part of the funeral music and look forward to the sendoff that will reunite him with his dear daughter and other loved ones.

Unfortunately, death is a part of life.

Fortunately, life always triumphs in the end.

Unfortunately, the weather has remained foreboding.

Fortunately, I received a warm, fuzzy robe and slippers from my youngest daughter and husband.

Unfortunately, we didn't have enough carrots for all of Santa's reindeer.

Fortunately, there were enough cookies, Santa came anyway, and Christmas magic permeated our morning together.

Unfortunately, a few of the toys didn't work.

Fortunately, I prepared a pancake and sausage breakfast and everyone was appreciative.

Unfortunately, we're still missing our family and the lost chance to be with them this day.

Fortunately, we've rescheduled a "Christmas re-do" for New Year's weekend.

Unfortunately, we have a wait a whole week.

Fortunately, we have something to look forward to.

Unfortunately, not everyone in the world realizes what Christmas is really about.

Fortunately, we do, and this realization has kept our spirits filled with anticipation of God's plans for us as we head toward a new year.

Blessings to all this holy Christmas! May you find the things that matter most all around you, sparkling and vibrant, warm and enduring: love, family and the joy of life in spiritual abundance. And if you've been blessed in this way, may you find new ways to bring that abundance to others in the coming year.

writing wednesdays: settling down for a long winter's nap

Yes indeed, it's time for a long winter's nap, is it not? (A Christmas shout-out to my dear mother-in-law, Bev, who shared this photo with me through email recently.) I know that many of you readers are getting ready to travel, are already on the road or are hunkering down with your families and/or friends as the preparations for Jesus' birth continue. We are oh-so-near now to the blessed event! Following the wise trend of many of my blogging friends, I am planning to take a little reprieve from here over the next couple of days. That said, I'd like to leave you with a few fun goodies to take in as you get settled in for your own Christmas rest.

In keeping with my Writing Wednesday theme, I'm going to start by including a bit of my daughter Olivia's writing. I'd asked her to help the little ones compose their letters to Santa this year, and as usual, Olivia was up to the task. She's a bit more organized than her mother, I must say. She got right to work at the computer and created a "Letter to Santa" form letter, which she asked all the siblings to fill out as a way to put in their "orders." I had to chuckle when she handed them over, and I'll bet Santa did, too, shaking when he laughed like a bowl full of jelly, no doubt!

Dear Santa,

What I would like for Christmas this year is a ______________________ and a ________________. I have been a really good boy/girl! I promise! I never fight with my sisters and brothers. I’m a perfect angel.

In my stocking I want: __________________, __________________, and ____________________.

Thanks!
{Signature on the dotted line}

___________________________________________________

Well, there you have it. I do have to report that Santa offered some feedback, mentioning how much more organized he was this year while getting things ready in his workshop with these forms in hand. In fact, he asked if he could make a copy of the form for next year. That said, he questioned the third line a bit, saying that he'd been watching our family both while asleep and awake, and he's remembering a bit of bickering among the brood at times and asked that the siblings temper that a bit in the coming days if they still want goodies. He added that if we throw some chocolate bars onto the plate of cookies we leave for him, he's pretty sure his memories of squabbling likely will dissipate.

Now then, moving along...I mentioned in my Monday post I'd be on Catholic Radio later that morning, and indeed, I was and really enjoyed my time co-hosting the show with Tanya Watterud on the morning show, "Real Presence Live." If you've got lots of time on your hands this break, you can listen in to all two hours' worth here. But if you're like most of us busy parents and you'd rather just catch some of the highlights, let me point you to two sections of the show in particular:

At 51:18 to 57:18, you'll find a surprise exchange I had with Catholic columnist Christina Capecchi. (You can click on the gray bar after the track number and literally move it to the right to the timeframe you prefer.) I didn't realize until the interview was well underway that Christina is someone with whom I've crossed paths on Peace Garden Mama, particularly regarding our late friend, Emilie Lemmons. The conversation ended up being quite a bit about Emilie toward the end of it. It was such a special six minutes honoring the life of our mutual friend on air. (Feeling your presence, Emilie...thanks...)

At 1:34:25, my interview with Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle begins, taking the show to its end. It was such a delight to talk with Donna-Marie. She really helped make my first live radio interview go smoothly. Thank you, Donna-Marie! I wish you the best with your book, Mother Teresa and Me: Ten Years of Friendship. (Note: particularly at the beginning to the interview, Donna's voice is very quiet, so turn your volume way up. Technical difficulties, I suspect, but it's worth trying to hear what she shares.)

[After trying this a second time, I discovered it's a little tedious to get to the right spots. If "sliding" the bar doesn't work, clicking vigorously on the number does the trick, but it still requires a little patience. I will be especially endeared to anyone who does take time to listen, and if you don't, I will not hold it against you!]

Alright then, blogging/reading friends, time for that long winter's nap. What is your favorite napping spot?

mama mondays: a phone date with donna-marie (and other bullet points)

• I'm posting a bit early, since tomorrow will be filled to the brim with activity. After the five-kid, mad-dash drop-off in the morning, I'll be heading over to the Real Presence Radio station to co-host with Tanya Watterud on "Real Presence Radio Live." During the final half-hour time slot at 10:30 a.m. (Central Standard Time), I'll be conducting my first live radio interview with my friend author-speaker Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle from her home in Connecticut. Donna will be sharing details of her just-off-the-press new book, Mother Teresa and Me: Ten Years of Friendship.

• If you happen to be near a radio and can tune into 1280 AM (Fargo-Moorhead) or 1370 AM (Grand Forks), OR you will be near a computer and can listen in through the Internet at Real Presence Radio (yourcatholicradiostation.com), I'd love to have you tune in. If none of these options work, I'll be posting a link here in the coming days with the recorded show, so you'll be able to catch a hindsight listen.

• After the show, I'll mosey on over to my youngest kids' school to help with the annual Christmas insanity fest party. (Those little ones do have a lot of energy, I'm telling you, but hopefully we'll be able to keep it to a dull roar.)
• By the way, if you hadn't noticed, there are only 4 days left until Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• On my Sunday Facebook status, I wrote: Roxane Salonen: the Nesting Instinct has offically kicked in, and only five days before the baby's arrival. I always did best working up to deadline. Needless to say, there were more than a few comments wondering if I was with child. Of course, I was referring to the Baby Jesus, but as I flitted around the house with the the mop and vacuum cleaner today, I truly did feel as if I were preparing to welcome a baby into the home. And then it occurred to me, well, that is what's happening, after all. We are preparing to welcome New Life into our lives! It's an exciting time in the world as well as in our homes.

• If you're still with me, still drinking your morning cup of coffee (or late-night warm milk, as the case may be), here's an article that was published recently by Our Sunday Visitor, "Twas the fight before Christmas," which includes a few comments from the peanut gallery Yours Truly.

Happy Monday, and peace in the blessed week ahead!

What are you most looking forward to this Christmas? What are you most dreading?

soulful saturdays: dropping a big load (the exhilaration of giving)

I sensed right away that something was different during after-school pickup yesterday. The first clue: six strapping eighth-graders running wildly from the middle school toward a vehicle in the parking lot. Out from the vehicle's window, a gigantic box of diapers was being thrust.

That's right, it's the last day of the Diaper Derby.

I'd seen something about it flash by on the school's online newsletter, and my own kids had summoned me to buy a package of diapers for the cause. Then the night before this scene, I'd noticed the status of one of my son's friend's Facebook pages: "!!!KENNELYS ADVISORY!!! BRING DIAPERS!!!!! WE CAN WIN THIS :))" Obviously, there was an intense competition going on between the eighth-grade advisory classes to see who could gather up the most diapers. All this to supply a local crisis pregnancy clinic with a renewed stash of diapers for the infants who would be needing them.

My youngest and I watched as the hoard of testosterone-filled boys dashed back toward the school doing the Diaper Derby Dance, slapping each other with High-5s. They stopped just outside the school doors and looked up. From the second floor of the building, we could see clearly the class that awaited the Diaper Heroes. Some of them were giving the thumbs-up, some were jumping up and down, some were flashing numbers on their hands to indicate the diaper count. By all appearances, this class had won, thanks to the parent who had made one last trip to Target in the nick of time.

But no! This was not to be the final diaper count, the final word. Soon, other students from other classes began emerging from the building. By their movements, it seemed time was of the essence -- the clock was ticking. We saw probably eight or nine other students running to diaper-spewing vehicles to collect their gains. It wasn't so clear, now, the winners.

Watching all this play out, I began to feel myself going into "Biggest Sap Ever" mode. As my 4-year-old jabbered to me from his booster seat, I began wiping away tears, and felt thankful my older kids weren't around yet to see.

I know what the energy was about for those kids. They were in competition mode. It was about being the biggest and best. Sure, they knew it was all for a good cause, but they're in junior high, not truly capable of thinking too deeply beyond their own immediate needs of claiming victory. Regardless, in the end, it didn't so much matter the source of their energy. Their enthusiam moved me, even knowing they weren't seeing exactly what I was.

While visions of victory danced in their heads, my mother heart and brain were imaging a young mother coming into the pregnancy center feeling scared and alone, wondering if she could possibly summon the courage to bring the child within her into the world. I was feeling her feelings as the truth was shared with her that her child was not just a mass of meaningless tissues and that she could do this, and that doing this would make all the difference. I could feel her relief at the realization that she would not be alone, even if her future suddenly included a million question marks. And I could envision her baby -- a brand-new life full of a million possibilities who, if not for one brave mother and a crew of loving volunteers, might be cast into oblivion.

That's not what those eighth-graders likely were thinking, nor should they have been. They're still kids, and they ought to be able to enjoy their childhoods and the exhilaration that comes through the act of giving, no matter the cause.The adult world will come to them soon enough. In fact, it's right around the corner.

The final word on Facebook? "I LOVE MY ADVISORY!!! GOOD JOB GUYS! WE BEAT STRAND BY 100 OR MORE!!!! 2826!!! WE GOTTA CELEBRATE!!"

Wow -- amazing what those kids can accomplish when they set their minds to it. Those babies who are coming into the world through imperfect circumstances, they'll have a chance to change the world soon enough. For now, it's the youthful energy of kids like these who are making a difference -- more than they can possibly realize.

My tears were mainly tears of joy, being reminded as I was that giving is still alive in the world, even in the hearts of teens who we sometimes discount. Our local Fargodome was filled with food for the hungry recently all because of this age group.

So don't even think about losing hope, or seeing only darkness on the horizon. As long as the exhilaration of giving is alive and well, as I just witnessed, as long as hearts are on fire to love, we are going to be just fine.

What has brought you hope this Christmas season?

faith fridays: there IS something about mary

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with you.
Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death. Amen.

I've always been drawn to Mary, mother of Jesus, mother of God, mother of all of us. As a child, I was chosen one fine May to place a crown of flowers atop her head on a statue outside our church, part of the May Crowning celebration honoring her. When I watched The Song of Bernadette film just a few years later, I so wanted to be like Bernadette -- holy enough to receive a visit from the Lady with the flowing gown who smelled of roses. I never did quite measure up, but maybe that's okay. After thinking on such a possibility longer, I realized I might be a little too spooked if Mary really were to show up in, say, my bedroom.It just wasn't the right setting. Obviously, I was not visitation material.

Even so, Mary had me in her gentle grasp. I remember as a teenager feeling grateful for her, because so many of the most prominent Biblical personalities were of the male variety. Pondering Mary was a relief to me as I glanced out into the world and prepared to take a brave step into what seemed at the time a very male-driven society.

When I did regrettable things during my young-adult/college years, it was Mary that I imagined watching from a quiet post in the corner, looking at me with sad eyes, whispering, "You are much better than that, dear one." And later, it was Mary who wooed me toward motherhood, even as the world told me I really ought to accomplish X and X before accepting that vocation, and she who came to mind time and again as I set out to raise the children that resulted from my eventual trusting that all would be well somehow.

Recently, while listening to a radio program, I was reminded that all of the awesome male figures in society, past and present, were/are here because a woman gave life to them.So, too, God -- God! -- came into the world through a woman's body. We are an important gender, are we not? We bear life!

One of the things I like the very most about this season is that we are more inclined to shine a spotlight on Mother Mary. Not that she would ask for it, but she certainly does deserve it. Mary always would be inclined to nudge the spotlight toward her son anyway, but recognizing her role in this life's drama seems pretty significant to me.

But what I really wish is that we would not only pay mind to Mary during this season, but throughout the year. Her significance shouldn't decrease, after all, just because the celebration of a babe in a manger has faded to black for a while. Mary was not just there at Jesus' birth but throughout his life until, at last, she was called on to mother him through his dying, finally letting go so that he might return to the Father -- something all of us mothers will have to do eventually as we release our children to live out their destiny.

I am thankful to Mary, not just now, but 365 days a year. I am thankful for all she stands for in this darkened world. She is a powerful presence, whether or not we recognize her among us. In the end, it is she who crushes the serpent's head. In the end, she's not just a gentle woman, but an incredibly strong woman who will fight to the bitter end for justice, nurturing the sick and wounded along the way.

Lucky for me, visible reminders of Mary in a tangible form are all around me. I have many good friends who are either named Mary or Marie or Maria, and my own middle name (and that of my daughter and quite a few friends) is Marie. My paternal grandmother, whom I never had a chance to meet, was named Mary.I don't think I could escape Mother Mary even if I wanted to!

Thank you, Mary, for all you've done to protect me throughout my life, even when I didn't acknowledge you. I adore you not just in this season, but always. Thank you, most of all, for pointing the way to your beloved son! I aspire to model those actions, always bringing any glory that might come my way back to the proper source, the giver of all love and life.

How has Mary touched your life?

Note: I must point out the wonderful artwork that has been seen here recently by my middle son can be largely attributed to his talented first-grade teacher, Mrs. E., who has instilled a love of art in many of her young students. She is the guiding force behind these wonderful creations. The above piece was a Christmas present he told us we could open early. "Mrs. E. even said so." I'm glad we did!

fourteen

Fourteen

Firstborn

Overgrown bangs

Unusually understated

Rarely ruffled (in public)

Terrifically techno-savvy

Enviable eyelashes

Enjoys a good joke

Necessarily nonchalant

writing wednesdays: emilie lemmons - memorial of a blogging friend

Last year at this time, I was deep in the grieving process. First, in October, my husband's grandfather and a dear family friend passed on. No sooner had we begun to take a breath from those deaths, we learned of the tragic loss of a 9-year-old girl at our school in December, and in January, a friend of mine lost one of her infant twins. And finally, a few weeks prior, on Christmas Eve, my blogging friend, Emilie Lemmons, left this world and her dear husband and two young children due to a rare soft-tissue sarcoma.

Those deaths all changed me. In the year since, I feel closer to God and more deeply committed to my family. I moved through a cancer scare of my own, and then began hearing reports of other dear ones receiving the diagnoses I had escaped. Currently, there are three precious people in my life, all around my age, all parents of young children, waiting for a miracle that will bring them more time with their children and spouses and families. The cycles of life and death continue and are no less easy to bear. Even so, my faith has been enlivened through these losses. My understanding of why we are here -- to draw nearer to our Creator -- has been firmed up. That doesn't make these pronouncements of terminal illness any more comprehensible, but it helps me see more clearly how we're all traveling toward the same end. It reminds me that in our quest to search for the big miracle, we cannot forget to notice all the little ones along the way.

I've been especially reflective this month on the death of Emilie Lemmons. It was absolutely devastating to learn, last Christmas Eve, that she'd left us. Her whole blogging community let out an almost audible, collective gasp when we read her last post written by her husband, Steve. And I've wanted to offer some kind of memorial blog post to Emilie as the anniversary of her death approaches. This past year, I've kept a link to her blog, lemmondrops, on my Peace Garden Mama I blog list, hoping others would have a chance to read her life-giving words. I also wanted to share a post I wrote a year ago that expressed my grieving from the periphery (see below). The photo below is one Emilie gave me permission to use -- a candid shot of her and the boys relaxing together on the bed shortly after she received news her cancer likely would be terminal.

In her dying, Emilie left the gift of friendship. Over the year, I have gotten to know several of her good friends, and have connected with a new friend here in town who followed Emilie's blog and grieved with me when she died. We've become closer because of Emilie. It's a very selfish result of Emilie's premature death that I have been gifted with these new relationships, but I'd also like to believe Emilie has fostered some of this herself. I believe in the communion of saints. I very much believe she's still among us and bringing us together in ways that would have been impossible before. And I am very grateful.

One limitation of the blogging world has become very clear in the wake of Emilie's death. Other than a few fleeting updates, I really have not been able to learn too much about how her family is faring. They deserve their privacy and I respect that. I will continue to pray for their safe-keeping. But I will always wonder, and hope that they went on to flourish despite their great loss. It would be great someday to see a photo of her grown sons, strapping and handsome and thriving. That is an image of hope I hold in my heart.

This week, my friend Marie and I will gather to celebrate Emilie's life in person. I look forward to our time together toasting to this wonderful fellow writer and mother.

Emilie, and all those who have passed on this year, you are precious to me. Thanks for the life you gave so that I might see more clearly.

Grieving from the Periphery: In Memory of Emilie Lemmons

What have those who have passed on taught you?

mama mondays: 'big backpack cleanout' strikes again

It happens almost every Monday morning -- the Big Backpack Cleanout. Most often, it unfolds in the van on the way to school, when the kids realize they'll need a clean slate for the week ahead. Often, I'll be waiting at a red light when the papers start spewing forth. It's almost as if there's a homework-making machine hidden somewhere in the back seat and the kids have pushed the output button, and like a slot machine at Vegas hitting "Jackpot," the treasures pour forth at an overwhelming rate.

This morning, from among the hoards of papers that made their way to the front of the van during the Big Backpack Cleanout, I recovered a shiny, golden coin that stood out from the others and promised more than any jackpot win. It absolutely set my morning right!

Now that the pink candle of our Advent wreath has been lit, we know that Christmas is very near, and our first-grader's artwork further illustrates just where we're at and why.

I wish you all a particularly peaceful and fruitful week ahead as the Advent season begins to cresendo toward the climactic moment -- that infant's cry that will change the world as we know it.

Have you experienced peace this Advent? If so, what have you done to help cultivate it?

time for a car wash? if you're in north dakota, think twice...

I knew I was taking my chances. It's been a chilly week here in Fargo, ND. Okay, never mind chilly. I heard a Pop! in the garage the other day and thought someone was shooting at us, but later realized it was a bottle of cleaning concoction that had blown its top. If our cases of cola had been in the garage as they sometimes are, there would have been multiple explosions. Needless to say, our beautiful November is a long-ago memory now.

So why the urge to get a car wash here and now? For one, I'd just spent over $100 for an oil change; an oil change that ended up including a burned-out front light, loose belt (still under warranty) and, oh yeah, the oil change itself. I figured if my van was going to be running better on the inside, its extremities needed to be matched up to its refreshed interior. The other contributing factor was 4-year-old's finger prick at the doctor's office. I'd promised him a treat for having undergone the dreaded "operation" with the bravery of a small gallant knight.

Don's Car Wash to the rescue. Don's is a luxury, to be sure, the Cadillac of car-wash operations. You leave your vehicle with the experts then go inside to a warm shop filled with every kind of car air-freshener and gadget on the market, not to mention a plethora of...treats. I would be killing two birds with one stone, and ensuring my van would be washed in a warm interior, lessening the chances of frozen van doors. It seemed like a brilliant plan at the time. After the wash was completed, we got into the van, the little one still licking chocolate off his fingers, and buzzed off to do the after-school roundup.

It wasn't until a few hours later, when picking up pizzas for the family, that I realized I had not escaped the affliction of the after-car-wash van freeze. After placing the pizzas on the floor in the back and shutting the driver's side door, the back door popped open. And it would not close. It appeared closed, but every time I would try to shut the driver's door, the back would open. A close inspection revealed no visible ice particles and the warm pizza soon would be cold if I didn't get a move-on. So, I drove back to our home with my left arm wound through to the back seat holding the back door handle to keep the door shut and the pizza warm, and my right arm on the steering wheel up front. Yeah, must have been quite a sight, not to mention a little dangerous.

The next morning I thought for sure the van would have thawed. As I began to drive off with the five pint-sized passengers to school, the back door sprang open again. This time, oldest did the ice inspection and he, too, came up empty. We were running late -- there was a special event at school and time was of the essence. So, we switched the booster seat next to the springy, frozen door to another spot, and had one of the older kids do "door duty" as we made our way through the busy morning streets, praying as we approached the hilly spots en route.

By the time all the school kids were dropped off, the door had decided to cooperate and shut, thankfully. I don't think 4-year-old would have had the strength to pull off door duty.

If my van expects another wash anytime soon, it's out of luck. Until springtime, anyway. So if you see a grungy van that used to be a silvery gray driving through town this winter, that'd be us. From now on, we're erring on the side of caution and choosing safe over clean.

When is the last time you've found yourself in a pickle? How did you get out of it?

faith fridays: the joy bag

Details of the afternoon had clouded thoughts of what the evening was to hold. And then I saw him, my youngest school-aged child, trudging toward the van heaving a worn jean bag over his tiny shoulders.

The Joy Bag -- I almost forgot!

As I cleared away a spot on the van floor for the heavy bag, I thought how fortunate we are to have gotten four chances now at this beautiful tradition. Our first chance was in 2002, when our firstborn was in first grade, back when the current Joy Bag recipient was but a tiny infant. Every couple of years, we are treated to this ritual of receiving joy into our home through taking time with our family to focus on nothing more than what is at hand.

"When can we do the Joy Bag?" the smallest student asked in eager anticipation. I had to break the news to him. There would be early evening activities that would claim the first time slots. The Joy Bag would have to be the final event before bedtime.

Waiting -- an Advent given. But I knew it would be worth it.

And so it was that we came together, all seven us, in our livingroom at 8 p.m. Homework bags were abandoned, television shows cut short, lights dimmed, and a spot on our living-room coffee table cleared.

Our young leader began unwrapping the four Advent candles and spreading out the Advent cloth.

"I get to light the candles," said the oldest.

Everyone would play a part.

After all items were properly laid out -- the children's Bible and Rosary, the shepherd figurine that soon would claim a spot among the other Nativity-scene pieces at school, the coveted bag tied with string and a golden star, the C.D. of Amy Grant's Emmanuel -- we settled into our spots and proceeded with the order of events, which I led (with the help of Mrs. E's instructive guidelines).

"Will you read the first story -- The Annunciation?" I asked our youngest daughter. Her sister picked up afterward with The Birth of Jesus. Next, the first-grader, keeper of the Joy Bag, led us in a decade of the Rosary. We chose The Birth of Jesus as our meditation. He did a beautiful job of guiding us through, obviously aware of the significance of his role.

After the Rosary, it was time for the reading of The Tale of Three Trees, which was accomplished by Daddy. Our leader by that point had sunk into a spot next to me on the couch and enjoyed a back while we all listened. At the end, we discussed what it meant -- how each tree had had a vision for his life, and how that vision was realized, though in slightly altered form than the initial hope; one that turned out a result far grander than Plan A.

Throughout the reading, our 4-year-old was becoming antsy and flitting to various corners of the room, over to the book to see the pictures, then onto another corner. He finally got his chance to participate when we played the song, Emmanuel. Who could be contained at that point? With our younger kids in particular, joy burst free.

We ended with the passing out of treats from the gift bag, two for each child upon sharing their favorite part of the session. Once the chocolate-pretzels were munched to satisfaction, it was time to record our thoughts in the class's family journal, where we added them to the accounts of other families who had gone before us. After an illustration was created, and while the kids readied for bed, I wrote up the details of our time with the Joy Bag.

This morning, the youngest student solicited help from his older sister in carrying the Joy Bag into his classroom, where it was to be passed on to the next recipient. Soon, all families in Mrs. E's classroom will have had a chance with it, and we'll be closer to Advent completion.

No, it wasn't a perfectly serene coming-together. We had trouble with the c.d., and there was some movement from the peanut gallery at times that made hearing the readings difficult. There were more than a few "ssshs!" coming from us grown-ups. But in the end, the bits of peace that came through were enough to permeate the night, if not longer. Sometimes, you take the grace as it comes in whatever dose it arrives.

I am so grateful for the Joy Bag. It has been such a precious part of four of our Advent seasons now. Thank you, Mrs. E., for keeping this special tradition alive so that our hearts might be enlivened anew.

In what special ways do you come together as a family during this holy season?

If you have a moment, listen to Amy Grant sing Emmanuel to share a piece of the Joy Bag celebration with us.

writing wednesdays: featured in article on mom bloggers

A few weeks ago, a reporter from The Forum interviewed me for an article on mom (and dad) bloggers. The article came out yesterday. With permission, I'm sharing it here for those who might otherwise miss it. Kudos to Sherri, the reporter, who is a mom blogger herself (see topmom blog link at bottom).

Blogger moms: Parents put thoughts on raising kids online

By: Sherri Richards, INFORUM

Najla Amundson and sons/Dave Wallis The Forum

Najla Amundson’s four sons say funny things. Sometimes about their teachers and underpants. And they do funny things. One day, one son licked oatmeal off his shirt.

So Amundson decided to start recording these moments in a blog documenting her life as the sole woman in her Fargo home.

“People say, ‘You’re so funny.’ No, I’m not. I don’t have to do anything. They say this stuff and I just write it the way they say it,” says Amundson, a former Fargo-Moorhead TV news personality. “A lot of people find it intriguing that I’m the only woman in the house. ‘Oh my, all boys.’ Like it’s a hardship, and it’s not. These boys are a joy.”

Amundson’s blog – found on blogspot.com and areavoices.com – is one of several local blogs focused on parenting.

Nationwide, “mom blogs” comprise a formidable chunk of the blogosphere. Nielsen Buzzmetrics tracks more than 10,000 mom and parenting blogs. Nielsen Online compiles Power Mom 50, a collection of leading maternal voices online.

Locally, there are several examples of mom (and dad) blogs. Their authors say they blog for various reasons – a love of writing, wanting to keep relatives updated, a need to vent or simply to chronicle the day-to-day life as a parent.

Through their writing, they’ve found community and perspective.

“I think when you read other people’s parenting blogs you find some comfort in knowing, oh my gosh, I’m not the only one who does that,” says Amundson, whose sons are ages 6, 9, 11 and 14. “Hearing what other people are going through shows you that you’re not alone in the whole journey of raising kids.”

Sharing perspective

In a way, Roxane Salonen of Fargo was a mommy blogger before blogs were popular. During her first pregnancy, nearly 15 years ago, she wrote to her unborn child.

“Diary stuff,” she says. “Some of it seemed really good. It seemed like a waste that it was only in a book, closed and put away.”

Now a mother of five, ages 4 to almost 14, Salonen posts entries like these on her “Peace Garden Mama” blog at areavoices.com. She says it’s a good place to put extra ideas that don’t fit into one of her parenting columns, which appear monthly in The Forum.

Salonen says she’s envious of younger mothers who have always had this outlet available. It’s so much easier now to exchange information and advice.

“When we kind of figure things out, there’s a natural desire to share that,” she says. “It’s very fulfilling.”

Salonen has also made real-life connections. Through another mom-focused blog, she met Marie Beckerleg, a Moorhead mother of one. Beckerleg shares tales of her 2-year-old on blogspot.com. “Murray’s Momma” gets nearly 160 hits a day, she says.

Beckerleg says through blogging, she’s been able to ask and answer parenting questions. “It’s another great way to vent and release. Say you’re having a really bad day with your kid or you feel like you’re being a bad parent, it’s a safe place. Most everyone can relate,” she says.

Casey Berberich of Grand Forks, N.D., started her blog, “Beautiful Letdown,” after she became pregnant while still nursing her older son.

“I decided I was more confident in my decision to continue nursing while pregnant and after my son was born,” Berberich says. “I just thought I would like to talk about it in a way that shows it’s a normal thing.”

As time has passed, she writes less about tandem nursing, because it’s not as much a part of her life. Now, she says, it mostly helps get her thoughts out.

“Sometimes I feel like I’m so close to the issue, if I’m really having a tough time with one of my kids, potty training or getting them to try new foods,” she says. “It’s almost easier to have a tangible thought process. Sometimes, when I write something down, I think ‘I’m this upset over that?’ It gives me a better perspective.”

Don’t forget Dad

The parenting blogosphere is dominated by women, but not exclusively. Lukas Brandon of Moorhead writes a blog called “Daddy Dispatch” from the perspective of a stay-at-home father.

“It’s kind of a message in a bottle,” Brandon says. “These things I’m writing, I’m putting it down on paper, someday we’ll have that to look back on.

“By capturing it, I think it helps lend meaning to it. Time doesn’t slip away from you as much.”

For instance, he wrote about his and his wife’s decision to have a home birth, and posted photos from the big event. Julia was born Nov. 13. His son, Dylan, is 2½. Some of his entries are works of fiction.

Brandon says it’s easier for him to write now that he doesn’t have an office job. He says parenting happens in “bursts of activity,” lending itself to writing and reflection.

“It’s a time in your life when you’re more reflective about larger issues in the world. Because you’re thinking about your own children and how they’re going to grow up and what values you’re going to pass along,” he says.

Writing rewards

Whether the parent blogger is an information provider, seeker, storyteller or is simply updating friends and family members, there is something rewarding about the process.

For some, it’s the clarification of thoughts. For others, it’s the feedback from readers.

Salonen recently attended a conference, where she heard this idea: Happiness is when we offer something of value to the world.

“I think the act of blogging does that. That’s why it’s so fulfilling to a lot of moms,” she says.

Especially moms who have worked in the corporate world, where there are tangible measures of success. “In some ways, it’s us creating our own measures of success,” Salonen says. “It’s more vital when somebody else on the other end is saying, ‘This is exactly what I needed to hear today.’ ”

But the lure of feedback and online relationships can have its drawbacks, such as spending too much time online. Salonen blogs three times a week, after the kids are in bed, to try to keep it in balance.

“You can’t forget about the real life that’s happening around you,” Salonen says. “You can’t ignore your kids to write parenting blog posts.”

Online:

Some local parenting-focused blogs include:

* http://najmania.blogspot.com

* http://murraysmomma.blogspot.com

* www.beautifulletdown.net

* http://daddydispatch.com

* www.areavoices.com/peacegarden

* www.areavoices.com/topmom

* www.areavoices.com/singledad

forum column (december 09): 12 days of christmas and chaos

Parenting Perspectives: 12 Days of Christmas and Chaos

By: Roxane B. Salonen, INFORUM

Dear Santa Claus,

Well, Big Guy, it’s time again for the annual Christmas newsletter and wish list. In an attempt to be more efficient, I’m combining them this year.

I’m also coming clean. Forget about silver bells and chestnuts roasting by an open fire. The other day, just as I was putting in another load of laundry, I noticed that the partridge had flown the coop. You turn your back for just a moment and ... .

I knew it was going to be a tough year last spring when the pear tree itself floated away in the flood. Granted, pear trees don’t tend to be too fruitful in these parts, but one of the kids went riding downstream with it.

Thankfully, we survived and lived to tell, but it’s been tough getting back on track. For starters, the two turtle doves, aka our daughters, have been at each other’s throats again. I keep telling them that someday they will be best friends. I guess time will tell.

I’m also a little confused. The other day I could have sworn I heard the three French hens (our sons) speaking Pig Latin. AnCay OuYay ASay RazinessCay?

Now here’s something a little embarrassing. Forget about calling birds. How about burping birds? Some days, it’s as if our kids are communicating solely through the language of toots. (Help!)

As for golden rings, do you have any? I’d like to ring a few necks around here, and it’s not even Christmas break yet!

I keep wishing the geese-a-laying and maids-a-milking would increase their productivity. It’s getting harder to keep up, not only due to increased consumption but the astronomical grocery bill.

A bright spot came recently, however. Our middle child was chosen to be one of the “ladies dancing” in our school’s Advent program. Every once in a while a glimmer of hope comes amidst the chaos.

I don’t let those sweet moments pass by without a healthy heaping of gratitude. In fact, they make me want to take a big lords-a-leaping glide through the living room. Sometimes, when no one else is looking, I do just that.

Come to think of it, being in such a musical family, we are heartened pretty much daily by pipes-a-piping, even though I often have to tell the kids to “pipe down.” I especially love catching my four-year-old humming a tune. Times like that I’m convinced something beautiful is simmering. It makes it all worth it.

Thankfully, we no longer have children young enough to use the saucepans and spoons to become drummers drumming. Now they just use each other’s heads instead. (Sigh.)

It’s a little insane, but truth be told, Santa, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. I mean that. And while I haven’t been a perfect mother this year, hopefully I’ve done well enough for you to throw some packets of Calgon bath soap into my stocking. Beyond that, I have just one other request (see below).

Merry Christmas!

Roxane

P.S. Sorry, but don’t count on cookies this year. Since the Cookie Monster has taken to promoting veggies, we’re leaving carrots instead. Besides, the kids and I got weak and ate the cookie batter. (Does that mean we’ll get salmonella?)

The 12 Days of Christmas Salonen-style

On the 12th day of Christmas,

My family gave to me ...

12 Mismatched Socks

11 Paper Airplanes

10 Sticky Fingers

9 New Stains

8 Tall Tales

7 Loads of Laundry

6 Tummies Rumbling

5 Golden Kids (pinch me!)

4 Burnt Pizzas

3 Sick Sons

2 Dueling Daughters

And An Evening Out Completely Guilt Free!

mama mondays: thanksgiving leftovers

I found a little treasure the other day, and even though Thanksgiving was already over and Advent well under way by the time I uncovered it from a pile of school papers, you might consider this a Thanksgiving leftover. I'm delighted this one didn't end up in the garbage along with the turkey carcass and bits of uneaten pie crust by mistake.It's a drawing by my 7-year-old:

Now, lest I seem like a gushing mama, let me just say (and I'll say it on behalf of mothers everywhere, especially those who work from home) that when you work for a pittance, and commendations and awards are few and far between, you claim your trophies however and whenever they come. And in my case, the above drawing, having been discovered in hindsight and nearly a victim of a premature demise,is my "certificate of achievement" for the month. This is the kind of thing that makes me feel that perhaps something is working right in our lives.

There was another one, too, that I found even further down in the pile:

It's hard to see the words, so I'll translate them, since that's the best part:

If I sailed on the Mayflower I would have

Playgamse

Play jax

cords (cards)

mi mom

Yes, this is the same little dude who has been loving me up lately with hugs, and I am the same mom who is lavishing it. This one really was headed for the trash. It was all crumpled up and I barely saw that it was actually something cohesive. I'm thanking the heavens above now that I took just one minute more to read the words. How else would I have known that, if stranded on a big old ship in the middle of the ocean, my son would include me among his prized possessions?

I've got one more little gem from the even-littler-dude, age 4. It's been a while since I've included any of Nick's quotes on Peace Garden Mama, but this one just cracked me up the other day. I was engaged in something and he was ready for dinner. A few minutes earlier I'd let him have just a few "Scooby Snacks" crackers to tide him over, but apparently it wasn't enough, because he returned knowing he'd already eaten his quota and clamoring for more. Here's what I heard:

"Mom, I need moy of those Scooby snacks oy I'll die...in 5...4...3...2...1!"

Needless to say, he didn't get any more, but he did get MY attention after 4!

What are some unexpected treasures, Thanksgiving leftovers if you will, that you've discovered or received in the past week or so?

faith fridays: finally winter, finally advent

School Advent Program 2009

I still remember the year our firstborn was old enough to know what a birthday is, but too young to understand seasons and time. So we told him that his birthday would happen when it started snowing. That year, it started snowing the week of his birthday -- mid-December. It was an unusually late snowfall, and we were saved by Mother Nature's tardiness.

This year, too, we had a bit of a delay. Snow came unusually early this fall, then vanished, and we were treated to an unbelievably wonderful November here in North Dakota. But alas, just about the time the calendar was turned, down it came, the snow, and in it came, the cold, and here we are, smack dab in the middle of what seems now to be a wintry December after all.

Post Show Performers in the Yellow-lit Snow

And of course, Advent has come as well, but just as I need snow to feel that winter has truly arrived, I need something else to signal Advent. For me, it's the wreath on the diningroom table, yes, but that doesn't quite do it. For me, our kids' elementary school's annual Advent program is the alarm clock of Advent. Now that the program has happened, and I've been duly informed by the sweet voices of little angels in their pretty attire that it is, indeed, time, I'm less resistant to being in this current season. The children have wooed me in.

It's always an exceptional night -- by far, my favorite of all of the programs the elementary school puts on. My friend, Katie, is instrumental in providing the dancing elements, which make it such a special event. The songs, the words, the narration...it's really and truly a beautiful celebration of what is to come.

And speaking of what is to come, a friend recently shared a reflection on Advent that has stayed with me all week. I thought it would be appropriate to pass a bit of it on to you here. The reflection is from Sallie Latkovich, CSJ, from the opening to the Advent booklet, "Winter's Wisdom."

In it, Latkovich says that "The mention of Advent always stirs thoughts of waiting..." and that theologians always speak of reflecting on the three ways of Christ's coming -- in this history of Bethlehem, the daily events of our lives and the second coming in the future. She says, however, that we've got it all wrong:

"We need not wait for God. God is always present, always with us. That's what the name Emmanuel means: God-with-us. And, that's the primary truth we hear in the Scriptures. God created us, and calls us into relationship. God is indeed present with us, and especially in the person of Jesus the Christ.

"No, this Advent, I've come to see that it's GOD who waits for US. . .

". . .waits for us to notice that we are indeed created by God.
We are born with unique gifts and qualities
as well as deficiencies and lack of qualities.
God only sees our goodness, and waits for us to notice too.

". . .waits for us to notice the myriad ways
in which God is with us, always...

". . .waits for us to notice when we observe people acting in the image of God: in covenant with one another, both those known and unknown, both those alike and those very different.

". . .waits for us to notice the emptiness in our hearts
that can only be filled by God's own Self.

". . .in the season of Advent, as Christmas approaches, God waits for us to notice the wonder and innocence of little children. How God must long for us grownups to be more like them, without guile.

"It is true that in Advent we wait; but really, it is God who waits for us. May we savor and revel in that reality."

Thank you, God, for your great patience as you await my forward motion toward you. Thank you, dear children and teachers, for the grace you shared with us tonight in all of its tenderness; as good a signal of Advent as any I've been privileged to feel.

What is the signal for you? When do you know that it is, indeed, Advent, and how do you celebrate it in your family?

For a special Advent program treat, see video below of my son's wiggly first-grade song.:

writing wednesdays: 'spotlight' series: introducing donna-marie cooper o'boyle!

Writing Wednesdays:

Spotlight's on...

Donna-Marie Cooper O'Boyle!

When I first “met” Donna-Marie during an online exchange in which we connected over our lives as mothers and writers, her first book, Catholic Prayer Book for Mothers, had just come out. Five more books, all of which affirm the vocation of motherhood, followed in quick succession. And finally, this month her much-anticipated book chronicling her decade-long friendship with Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta (a.k.a. Mother Teresa), Mother Teresa and Me: Ten Years of Friendship, will be available. Peace Garden Mama is delighted to have Donna as its December “Spotlight” guest!

Donna, it has been such a privilege to watch you over these last years flourishing as a writer/speaker/author. What factors prompted you to become a writer, and what dictated the subject matter on which you would focus?

Thank you very much, Roxane. It’s an honor to have this interview with you. Thanks for thinking of me. I really love your blog and like what you’re doing with it. May God bless you much in your endeavors!

To answer your question regarding what prompted me to become a writer, the only way to answer that is to say that God did! He made me who I am and because there are matters that surround me that need to be spoken about - for instance, the dignity of every human life - I need to speak up. I wrote much about life as I grew up, feeling passionate about sharing my views (the Church’s) in attempts to inspire others. When I married and became a mother, I wrote about motherhood. I would squeak out op-ed articles for the newspaper during naptime when I could, but I knew that my focus was to be on my family and I didn’t need to worry about expressing it in writing if time didn’t allow. I immersed myself in motherhood and all it entailed.

The subject matter was dictated by my life – what I lived, breathed, and believed in. Because of God’s grace and our Blessed Mother’s intercession, I was a prayerful and faithful person, wanting to do God’s will, and so I feel that God guided my hand.

You wrote one of your books while on bed rest while pregnant with one of your children. While you were writing that book, did you envision that it would someday be in book stores across the country and world? What does this particular title say about the waiting we must do, not only in our lives as mothers but in our lives in general?

Yes, actually several came out of that pregnancy, but I think you are referring to Prayerfully Expecting: A Nine Month Novena for Mothers To Be. As I wrote it, I did hope that it would be a book one day to give encouragement, hope and a prayerful pregnancy to expectant mothers everywhere. I had no idea of the outcome of that pregnancy and needed to hope against all hope and pray and trust that my baby would survive. I feel God gave me the words to help other mothers sojourn through their joyful pregnancies as well as challenging and even sorrowful ones.

While I didn’t know if my book would ever see the light of day, I left it in God’s hands and in a cardboard box actually (the paper manuscript that I scribbled out as I lay on complete bed rest) and later on when I got a computer, on a floppy disc to pursue publishing when the time was right and my children were older.
As you know, Roxane, my daughter, Mary-Catherine survived that pregnancy, thank God, and is now eighteen years old! Blessed Mother Teresa prayed for me as well as many others, for which I am deeply grateful.

What about waiting, you ask? Life is all about waiting, isn’t it? Waiting and trusting and loving with all our hearts. God is in control, not us. We need to exercise a little patience, don’t we?

What is the hardest thing about being an author of religious works? Do you feel confined in any way, especially as you make your way out into the secular world?

I don’t feel any specific challenges or confinement being an author of religious works. I love what I do and I never worry about the secular world in terms of being in the way of what I do. I bring my faith into the streets throughout my daily life. So, I am not concerned about the contradictions. As Christians, and Catholics, we must strive to be a light to others in this darkened world, seemingly depleted in hope. We have to bring hope and prayer to others. This reminds me of my flight home from Rome recently when the plane started rocking violently through turbulent skies and everyone was frightened and some were crying. God allowed me to be a comfort to those around me and we prayed together. I actually taught them how to pray! It was amazing and God was praised! I plan to write about the experience sometime soon.

What have been some wonderful surprises about the life of an author/writer?

I suppose some of the surprises are that so many people know all about me! It surprises me many times when out at book-signings, giving retreats and events. Someone will come up to me and proceed to tell me all about myself! Things they have read in the news, heard on the radio or seen on TV, but for some reason, it always used to surprise me. I guess I am getting more used to it now.

Another surprise is something that happens at every book-signing and event starting with the very first. Many people who come to meet me have a story to tell and they all feel perfectly content with sharing it with me and asking for my prayers. This is a huge part of the ministry that God has started in my life. I am very happy that they all feel comfortable and also very happy to hold them in my heart and keep them in my prayers.

I really want to zero in on your newest book. Can you share with readers briefly how you came to know Mother Teresa? What new aspects of this remarkable woman have you been able to uncover here that have not previously been addressed in other books about her?

I met Mother Teresa more than twenty years ago in Washington DC while visiting my spiritual director, Fr. John A, Hardon S. J. I recount the details of my first meeting with Mother Teresa in my book, Mother Teresa and Me: Ten Years of Friendship. I was then blessed with a friendship that spanned a decade and was filled with letters and meetings with this holy woman. Of course, I don’t profess to uncover any unique news about this amazing “saint” of our time. In my book, I merely attempt to express in a simple weaving of words what it meant to me to know her and what I feel is her message to us.

If you could sum up what you learned from Mother Teresa in just a few words, what would they be? What is the main message she wished to tell the world?

We need to begin our love at home. Mother Teresa stressed so much that “love begins at home.” This very fact should alleviate our fears of not being able to run off to Calcutta to take care of God’s poor. We begin first at home and then reach out to our neighbors and community. The poor may not be someone near us who is starving for a piece of bread, but someone in our own family or neighborhood, starving for love. We need to ask God to enlarge our hearts so that we can be His love!

Your youngest child of five left the nest this year for college. How has that affected you, and was it worse/easier than you’d expected?

My daughter, Mary-Catherine just started college. Of course, it is always bittersweet when our “children” leave the nest. But for me, it is mostly bitter, since I don’t want to see them go! But, they must spread their wings and grow some more – it’s part of life. Our children are really only on loan to us to help mold and teach – steering them in the right direction.

It doesn’t get any easier when any child leaves the nest or leaves for college. I haven’t admitted to an empty nest yet, because in reality, two of my children who are in college actually still live at home. They are away for the college semesters. I’ll enjoy their company again very soon for a long Christmas break and summer will be around the corner. I am very connected to all of my children no matter how old they may be. My oldest will be thirty-three soon! Can you imagine that? I thought I was still thirty-three! Just kidding, but it’s hard for me to believe that Justin is turning thirty-three. That’s why I always let mothers in on a little secret, and that is that time speeds by and we really have to enjoy each moment with our families. Mothers will lament to me at times that the work in the home is never-ending or that the sibling rivalry is really getting to them. But, someday they’ll turn around and their kids will be grown and they’ll be wishing they were still in their arms. I say to them, “Please don’t wish those important moments and years away. Instead, relish in them!”

What is the best advice you can offer mothers who are still growing their families?

To BE THERE for them in every way. Pray for an extra dose of patience. Be patient with yourself too. And love them with all of your heart! It is far better to err on the side of love than not. Love is a decision, not a mere feeling. We have to DECIDE to be the best parents we can be to our children. Enjoy every moment.

Can you list each of your titles and give a one-sentence description of each so that readers can sort through which would be best suited to them or a special person in their life? Where can readers find your books?

Readers can find all of my books on my website. They can be ordered or pre-ordered, whatever the case may be, through my website: www.donnacooperoboyle.com. I offer free shipping on orders of ten books or more for study groups or for gift giving. I offer other deals as well on my website. Every copy ordered will be autographed.

~Catholic Prayer Book for Mothers (Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Company, 2005)

This is a hard cover compact 64-page book that can be tucked into a diaper bag or purse or kept within reach on a night stand or coffee table. It’s been so well received by moms and grandmoms, stepmothers, adoptive mothers and godmothers around the world that it’s in the seventh printing! It’s a Catholic bestseller. I’m told it has been life-changing!

~The Heart of Motherhood: Finding Holiness in the Catholic Home (The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2006)

This soft cover 158-page book for mothers, adoptive mothers, grandmothers, godmothers and stepmothers is packed with inspiration and encouragement to get through the joyful and challenging times in the trenches with the family. Mothers' groups have studied this book and some have expressed to me how it has changed their lives!

~Prayerfully Expecting: A Nine Month Novena for Mothers-To-Be (The Crossroad Publishing Company, 2007)

This book has a French fold cover and consists of 168 pages written while on complete bedrest during a pregnancy. It bears a foreword by Blessed Teresa of Calcutta and one from Monsignor David Q. Liptak. This book is a pregnancy prayer journal to pray with and record thoughts and prayers on provided spaces throughout one’s pregnancy; turning the pregnancy into a living novena of prayer while one awaits the arrival of their baby.

~Catholic Saints Prayer Book (Our Sunday Visitor Publishing Company, 2008)

This is a hard cover compact 80-page book that can be tucked away in a purse, briefcase or kept handy in the home or office to pick up for a bit of inspiration from the saints. It contains 32 saints with short bios and original prayers suitable for adults and children, especially Confirmation candidates.

~The Domestic Church: Room by Room: A Mother’s Study Guide (Circle Press, 2008)

I wrote this 254-page book as a study guide for Catholic Moms so that they could gather together, sharing insights and faith while focusing on all aspects of family life with the benefit of Church teaching at their fingertips! This book is being studied within groups all around the world and is very popular and in its second printing.

~Grace Café: Serving Up Recipes for Faithful Mothering (Circle Press, 2008)

This book, 219 pages in all, was released at the same time as The Domestic Church and is also meant to encourage and inspire women in their marvelous vocation of motherhood. It explores many aspects of family life in a conversational way while offering “recipes” for domestic happiness.

~Mother Teresa and Me: Ten Years of Friendship (Circle Press, 2009)

This 192-page soft cover book speaks about my friendship with Blessed Mother Teresa and attempts to encourage the readers to realize their own individual call to holiness in every walk of life. I originally wanted to have this book be a biography of my beloved friend, but as I wrote, and with the encouragement later on by the publisher, I revealed a lot of personal parts of my life and included snippets of letters and entire letters from Mother Teresa to me. It became part biography, part memoir.

~ Another title forthcoming with Alpha/Penguin

This book will focus on the many aspects of Catholicism and will be published in 2011.

Donna, thanks so much for sharing these thoughts with us. Do you have a prayer that you could leave with us as we head toward the holy days of Christmas – something to help us stay focused on the reason we celebrate in the first place?

Thank you very much, Roxane. It’s been such a pleasure!

Dear Lord, help us to be mindful of You always here in our midst. Help us to love all those You have entrusted to our care. Help us to open our eyes to see You in our families, in our neighbors, friends, and strangers. Help us to bring Your love to those who may not know You and who are starving for Your love. Help us to be Your light to others so that they may see You in us and be drawn to You dear Lord. Please bless us at this holy time of waiting during Advent. Teach us to pause and to pray throughout our busy days while preparing our hearts for your coming, Lord! Amen.