mama mondays: charlotte was both

Christina (r) and I, Radisson Hotel Downtown Minneapolis, August 2010

"It is not often that someone comes along who is both a true friend and a good writer. Charlotte was both." -- E.B. White, from Charlotte's Web

Meet one of the best surprises of my year so far -- Christina. I've only known her since January, and yet because of the nature of our friendship, it seems so much longer than that. We are both Catholic women with a deep desire to have faith be a central part of our lives. We are both writers. And though different circumstances brought us to this, we're both following the path of independent communicators.

But there are differences, too. Christina is young, in her late 20s. She doesn't have children, not yet anyway. She's practically a blushing bride still, a newlywed barely into her second year of marriage. And yet I've already learned so much from her. She's been such an encouragement to me in my writing venture, and hopefully I've offered something of value to her as well. Our faith bond and her wisdom beyond her years makes up for the age discrepancy (I'll be 42 this week).

I was honored to sneak in a little bit of time with Christina while in the Twin Cities this weekend for a concert at the Minnesota State Fair with my husband. The concert was outdoors and on the most beautiful night of the summer, I have to believe. The band, Rush, is one that Troy and I heard in college many years ago. Our first two cats were named after members of the band, Alex and Geddy. It was a wonderful concert and evening.

The next morning, Christina and I stole away for a wee bit to take in a coffee house Christina selected, aptly called "Common Roots." While there, we enjoyed a hot drink and shared ricotta pancakes with lemon sauce and raspberries, as well as caught up on everything that email could not contain these past months.

What I really want to say about this beautiful new friendship is that when you're my age, the friendship landscape feels fairly settled. You don't expect a surprise like I've had with Christina. You don't expect God to handpick a person to enter your life in the way that Christina did mine (another story entirely, and one worth repeating someday). When it does happen, you know that it is pure gift, and you marvel at how creative God can be, and you wonder, with great anticipation, what the future holds for this new relationship, and all that might be possible through it.

It's a beautiful life, this life that God has created and offered to us. And today, I'm feeling profoundly thankful for the gift of friendship, especially the kind that flowers quickly because it has been fashioned by the Creator.

Q4U: When was the last time God surprised you?

faith fridays: the fly of all flies on the wall at school

Dear God,

This week, as you know, my baby started kindergarten. In moments, I have wondered, how is he doing? What is he doing? What is he thinking? Is he sad? Happy? Does he miss me, even think of me at all?

We have been so connected these past years, my little buddy and I. And now, just like that, he is off on his own in the world, without me.

"The toilet has blue water -- I can't go to the bathroom," he said at orientation. "It's okay," I said. "That just means it's really clean."

What if I hadn't been there that day? He might have been afraid for months to go to the bathroom at school, had I not assured him that the cleaning solution used in the toilet was nothing to be concerned about. Would he have mentioned it to the teacher eventually? Or another child? Or kept it inside and worried?

Even though this change is indeed good, how I've wished in moments that I could be a fly on the wall of his classroom, buzzing near in moments, sending off a vibe of love just in case he's in need of one.

And yet you, God, are the Fly of All Flies, perpetually there on the wall, never far from him. You will be with him when he's lonely, I know this, and you will whisper to me on those days when he'll need me more after school. You'll help me know what to say to make things better, as you always have.

I cannot be that fly on the wall, but You are, dear God. You are there for him, just as you have always been there for me, always.

And you are the link that keeps us connected, even when we are apart. You will always be that link.

Thank you, God, for drawing the line that leads from my heart, to his, and back to You again.

Love always,

Roxane

writing wednesdays: guarding our writing time

As I write this teaser for my Writing Wednesdays post, the clock on the wall is ticking, the furnace is humming, and my fingers are clicking on the keyboard. But that's about it. Everything else is still. It's a time of great anticipation, the hush before the roar. It's the eve of the first day of the school year 2010-2011.

This is the year my youngest babe goes to kindergarten and my oldest enters high school. It's a big year for us here in the Salonen abode. There is much excitement in the air, even now as my little birdies slumber, dreaming of the school year ahead.

In my Writing Wednesdays rant on Peace Garden Writer today, I talk about how important it is for me, now more than ever, to guard my writing time. I'll bet most of you can relate on some level, regardless of what kind of time you're trying to protect and for what purpose. We all have to make decisions as to how we'll use the time we've been given. I hope my post will inspire you to choose your commitments wisely.

Happy School Year 2010-2011! And if you're not quite there yet, enjoy the waning days of summer!

PGM

mama mondays: 10 things that would have changed everything

In honor of my father and mother, who celebrated 45 years of marriage on Saturday...


10 Things That Would Have Changed Everything:

1) If Robert Beauclair would have stayed in the seminary and become a priest...

2) If he had not joined the U.S. Air Force and gone to Japan...

3) If he had married that Japanese woman he once took out on a date...

4) If Janie Byrne had not taken the summer job at the North Dakota Capitol in the early '60s and caught the attention of that Irish/French man with the sparkling eyes...

5) If they had not gotten back together after that long break-up...

6) If they had chosen not to go through with it, not to walk down the aisle of the Cathedral of the Holy Spirit in Bismarck, ND, on August 21, 1966...

7) If they had not been open to having that child, a daughter, born in 1967...

8) And her sister, who followed in 1968...

9) And if either Mary Beauclair or Elizabeth Byrne had denied life to any one of their combined 12 children, despite their having come into the world during war times and Depression...

10) Or the same with any of their mothers before them...

This would not have been possible:

Roxane Beauclair Salonen and Camille Beauclair Harvey

Nor this:

Jane and Bob watching photo DVD created by Chris Harvey

Nor this:

Nicholas Salonen hiding under billiard table

Nor this:

Roxane, 41, and Grandma Elizabeth Byrne, 96

Nor this:

Billiard Beth at anniversary celebration

Nor any of this:

The Salonen and Harvey grandchildren, August 21, 2010

Thank you, Mom and Dad, for giving us life through love, and sustaining our lives through sacrifice. It has not been a flawless road, but you have shown us what is possible by steady perseverance.

Because of who you are and your willingness to say yes to our lives, we all have had the chance to join you on this earthly journey. May the years before you be filled with blessing.

Q4U: Have you ever considered the 'what ifs' through a positive lens? What revelations resulted?

faith fridays: the defection of Anne Rice (or, are we all a bunch of hypocrites?)

About a year ago, I wrote a hopeful post touching on the reversion of well-known author Anne Rice. This week, I read an article from the LA Times about her defection from the Church based on her Facebook announcement that she’d “quit being a Christian.”

The news seemed anticlimactic after my October 2009 post, in which I rejoiced over Rice’s claims that she’d been on a long and winding search for God that had ended with her embracing the Christian faith of her roots, and that she planned to dedicate all future works to her “Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

So is Rice just fickle, or should we Christians be concerned?

It’s always disconcerting to see a brother or sister fall away from the faith. Those of us who have tasted the goodness of the faith life hurt when our siblings in Christ become disillusioned. We can, and should, recognize that oftentimes there are valid reasons this happens, and that it can serve as a call to us to work even harder to form our heart to Christ’s.

The aforementioned article was written by William Lobdell, a former Times staff writer who himself is a defector of the faith. So do consider that the story was approached through the lens of one who already feels disillusioned. Even so, he did bring up some important points.

In the article, Lobdell cites evidence that more and more American Christians are failing to live out the faith they profess. He says that though America is still a Christian nation culturally, we’ve become secularists, by and large, in behavior, and that "the sea of hypocrisy between Christian beliefs and actions is driving Americans away from the institutional churches in record numbers.”

Rice herself points to the hypocrisy she witnessed as the main reason for her departure, and Lobdell ends the article saying we’re seeing only the beginning of the exodus.

Leaving it at that would be enough to make any Christian lose heart, but from all that I've experienced in my own long journey as a Christian, I believe there's more here than what Lobdell can see.

Trying to explain the downhill slide, Lobdell says it could be that many people who call themselves Christian don’t really believe, deep down, in the tenets of their faith, causing their actions to reveal their true beliefs.

I would respond in this way: we are in the world, and as long as this is so, our Christian lives will be -- in fact are set up to be -- an uphill battle. We are not yet in our homeland, and as such, we are going to fail, daily. And it’s not necessarily because we don’t believe, deep down, in the tenets of our faith, as Lobdell says, but more likely that the world in which we live is in such contrast to those tenets that living them out takes a nearly insurmountable amount of courage, conviction and formation. It is becoming harder to live the Christian life, in part because the world is more and more at odds with what we believe, and oftentimes the subtle ways this permeates our lives makes the journey quite murky. We require keen senses to traverse the bog in order to come out the other side shining.

Only the saints who were able to take vows of poverty and completely transform themselves to Christ were able to live this out successfully. The rest of us, including parents with children who have to be more fully engaged with this world, are undoubtedly going to have a tougher time of it. We are going to struggle. Living out the faith is a daily dying to self and resisting this world. We may be successful in one hour, and unsuccessful in the next.

And a word of warning: those of us who take notes on the apparent disconnect of belief and action of fellow Christians and base our view of the faith on that alone will be sorely disappointed. We will, like Rice, eventually walk away. It is only when we can fix our gaze on Christ and what He is calling us specifically to do that we'll find what we need to stay the course.

We should not, cannot, give up, despite everything in our world that lures us away from His face, including the imperfections of our siblings.

Q4U: What sorts of things do you do to intentionally set yourself apart from this world in order to live more fully in Christ?

writing wednesdays: spotlight's on missy berggren

This is for the bloggers, or would-be bloggers, or blog readers out there. For this week's Writing Wednesday post, I'm featuring blogger extraordinaire, Missy Berggren, one of my blogging pals I met through Emilie Lemmons.

To read about Missy's winding, wonderful blogging journey, zap yourself on over to Peace Garden Writer. And while you're there, let Missy and I know you've found us by leaving a comment.

Enjoy!

PGM

mama mondays: life with girls

Rubbing cucumber essence foot scrub on our weary feet

Last week, a friend invited me to a Lemongrass Spa home-product party. "Feel free to bring your girls, too," she said. In the end, that sold me.

I would say this has been the best summer of my life as a mother of girls. Both my daughters are at ages that allow me to peek into how things might be someday; to a time when we will enjoy one another as friends. As girley-girls, they both enjoy time at coffee and tea houses (not to mention the mall), as well as nail-polish and hair-curling sessions. To them, it's about more than the tea or the mall or wherever the destination of choice happens to be. It's about taking time out of the ordinary, changing up the scenery, and enjoying some girl time.

Around this time last year, I thought I'd lost my older daughter emotionally. Things were shifting and I felt the deep division of childhood turning to adolescence. I know we'll still have our moments, but for now, there seems to be a growing respect between us that helps make the more divisive moments feel less weighty.

My younger daughter is at a super age. She hasn't yet found it necessary to disassociate with me in any sort of dramatic way, and right now, she's probably my favorite errand pal. We enjoy our one-on-one time and experience very little friction when we're together. I feel blessed to spend time with her -- it's light and fun.

I wasn't sure they'd enjoy our Lemongrass night, but they really seemed to. We had the chance to sniff all sorts of delicious fragrances and scents, massage our fingers, hands and feet, and listen to the happy banter of the women and children all around us. We'd arrived at the party after a busy day filled with many details, and left feeling softer and lighter, not to mention smelling great.

But beyond all that, I realized as I sat there with my daughters how very lucky I am to be their mother, and knowing that, so long as God grants me a long life, this is just the start of many spa sorts of moments with them.

Ahhh...post-scrub and feeling so much better!

Q4U: If you're a mother of girls, what's your favorite girl activity to do with your daughters? If not, what's your favorite girl activity to do with your girlfriends, sisters or other special females in your life?

faith fridays: spiritual maintenance

Votive candles at the Cathedral of St. Paul, St. Paul, MN

Last week, I was challenged in a meme by two blogger friends to write about my five favorite devotions and prayer practices. Though I'm a little late to the party, I do have a few to share. Perhaps these are less devotions and practices, and more things that I try to employ on a regular basis to keep my soul maintained.

1. Adoration: Though it felt strange at first to come to a chapel and sit in front of the Blessed Sacrament to pray, Adoration has become one of my favorite ways of keeping my spirit whole. Since the host has undergone "transubstantiation," we Catholics believe it is truly Jesus himself, body, blood, soul and divinity. It is hard to argue sitting in the presence of God Himself and unloading our concerns and prayers before Him. I've never regretted taking time to do so.

2. Blessing of Children: I began doing this when my two oldest were young, and believe it to be one of the most powerful tools I have to stay connected spiritually with my kids. Whether it happens before bedtime or parting for the day, they seem to take solace in this small gesture as well. Sometimes it's a simple Sign of the Cross. Other times it's a song of blessing. Everytime, it is a sign of our bond and the need for us to take Jesus with us, wherever it is we're going.

3: Food for Thought: Reading books on spiritual/religious topics has become a valuable way for someone like me, motivated so often by the right kind of information, to be sustained spiritually. Thankfully, because of the hosting I've done for Catholic radio this year, I've been given a regular supply of review copies of books and never have a shortage of options. The most recent one, "When's God Gonna Call Me Back?" will be the topic of discussion on Monday's show when I interview author Marge Fenelon at 9:30 a.m. CST on "Real Presence Live."

4: Hail Marys: Admittedly, I don't always take the time to complete the ancient prayer that is such a vital part of Catholicism, but as a busy mother, I absolutely love that it includes five decades and ten beads for each Hail Mary per decade, and that, perhaps not coincidentally, we have five fingers on each hand, and ten fingers altogether, giving us no excuse not to pray the Rosary wherever life finds us, whether we have beads in hand or not. I often pray Hail Marys when my own words fail me and find it has a calming effect, not to mention reminds me of my need to replicate Jesus' life.

5: Spiritual Direction: Monthly, I meet with my spiritual director. This has been something I've wanted for some time and only really began doing routinely for the past year or so. But it's been one of the best commitments of my faith life so far. Having someone routinely help me complete a spiritual check, someone to whom I can throw spiritual questions and know I'll be getting solid, helpful answers, has been such a helpful part of my journey.

To read more thoughts on how to maintain your spiritual life, read Mary's blog at Not Strictly Spiritual, or Fran's at There Will Be Bread.

If you're up to joining our devotional bandwagon, let me know in the comments and I'll link to you as well.

Q4U: What are some of the things you do routinely to maintain your spiritual life?

writing wednesdays: extreme artist date

This past weekend, two creative friends of mine descended upon Fargo from Minnesota to partake in what I've affectionately dubbed an "Extreme Artist Date." To take a peek at our adventures, see my writing blog, Peace Garden Writer.

I look forward to your comments there to let me know you've been by!

PGM

forum column august 2010: a really grand summer

Parenting Perspectives: A really Grand summer
By Roxane B. Salonen, The Forum

Not long ago, a wise woman in my life – a grandmother – told me, “It’s all about relationships.”

Her words stayed with me all summer as I observed life through the adventures of our children.

For the whole of June and July, the five of them took turns experiencing the abundant life in a Minnesota lake town.

They started by dipping their toes into the lake and then moving to full-body immersion, coloring pools and lake surfaces with their laughter, feeling the lake breeze across their faces at sunset, dozing to the sounds of a pontoon motor.

They went fishing, learned the fine art of baiting and casting off, the thrill of pulling in something fresh from the water by their own hands. The cycle came full circle with the sputtering sounds of frying fish, which they consumed with a post-dinner delicacy of fried fish eggs. (Grandpa bribed them with crisp dollar bills.)

By day, they played with their cousins in the sand, digging a hole to China and filling the sand box with the lake until futility reigned. They went bowling, to a family reunion hundreds of miles away and on a girls-only shopping excursion with Grandma.

At night, they learned how to fold their own clothes and then sat on the deck out back, slurping down popsicles while a rock-garden fountain soothed their tired souls. They routinely ended the evening snuggled in bed watching videos and eating fresh-popped popcorn.

Our middle child experienced an extra; her first plane ride, the awe-inspiring feeling of being lifted from the earth and seeing the world from the clouds’ point of view before landing safely on a strip of coastal land. She traveled by ferry to an island, watched a tugboat push a vessel across the ocean, journeyed through the mountains, rode an elevator to the top of the Space Needle, and snacked at an “Alice in Wonderland”-themed tea house.

Remarkably, the kids’ father and I were nowhere near any of these adventures, all of them having been orchestrated by and experienced with the children’s grandparents.

Despite lack of a family vacation, we all enjoyed a summer of fun and beauty due to our parents’ giving hearts.

Two major thought processes seem to exist in our culture regarding grandparenthood. One, immortalized on a bumper sticker, says, “I’m spending my children’s inheritance.” The other was expressed recently by a friend who is a grandmother; she told me, “It’s all about relationships,” explaining why she and her husband had not moved someplace warm, preferring to live near grandchildren instead.

I’m not advocating that grandparents sacrifice all their hard-earned retirement money for their offspring. But we’ve witnessed the possibility of a compromise, somewhere between the bumper sticker slogan and martyrdom. Gratefully, we have awesome models after which to pattern our own grandparenting when the time comes.

It really is all about relationships, as we’ve been privileged to learn all over again this summer.

---

Roxane B. Salonen works as a freelance writer and children’s author in Fargo. To view pictures of the Salonen kids’ summertime adventures, see her “Monday Mamas” blog posts.

mama mondays: think vs. do

Four Cousins in the Lake (ages 4, 5, 6 and 7) by Bev Salonen

This whole summer, I’ve watched the differences between our youngest sons, ages 5 and 7, grow more and more distinct.

I’ll name one “Mr. Think,” the other, “Mr. Do.”

It’s hard being so close in age and the same gender. I remember it well as the younger sister of two (my sister just 17 months older than I). There are so many inevitable comparisons, either along the lines of, “You are SO much alike,” or “You are SO different.” (So, which is it? Life can be SO confusing!)

And the last thing I want to do is perpetuate the unfair comparison phenomenon that seems to accompany same-gender siblings who follow one another through life, one the shadow of the other and, at times, vice versa. It can be a painful experience from the child’s point of view. But from the parent’s perspective, it can be very revealing about life in general.

Mr. Think is, as one might assume, a heady fellow who likes to ponder each move he makes. He is thoughtful in a wonderful way, and one of the most kind-hearted of our children, possessing a soft soul that I adore. He moves through life with common-sense hesitation, thinking through each move before he makes it. Life is a series of cerebral calculations, enjoyed best when everything is safe and in alignment.

Mr. Do is, naturally, much less inclined to think things through, but always ready to do. Life is his oyster and he’s going to go for it, whether in the form of breaking out the dance moves at the public pool, or stopping mid-sentence in a restaurant to sing a tune with the facial contortions of a famous entertainer spread across his face.

An unfortunate fact, at least as far as Mr. Think is concerned, is that Mr. Think is older than Mr. Do. This summer that has translated into Mr. Do taking off on his bike without training wheels before the summer had begun, and Mr. Think, two years his senior, being left in the dust. It’s meant Mr. Do didn’t hesitate a moment before jumping off the diving board during swimming lessons, whereas Mr. Think took a whole summer of weighing the pros and cons before giving it a whirl.

Mr. Think has had a frustrating time of it lately. Being a Thinker isn’t easy. In comparison, being a Doer seems a breeze. The injustices have been palpable.

I’ve tried to help Mr. Think think through his frustrations (the method that works best for him), explaining that there’s a place in the world for the Thinkers and the Doers of the world – that we need both and to have a little of both within us if possible. I want him to appreciate the important attributes he brings to our family and the world, and to know how beautiful it is to me that he's contemplative in his approach to life.

I worry plenty about Mr. Do, too, due to the lack of thought involved in his method. It can keep a mother on edge, depending on the situation. This summer he came dangerously close to not seeing an oncoming vehicle while crossing a side street from one sidewalk to another while riding bike to the park with his father. When he was a toddler, I could never let my guard down around him at the pool because fear seemed nonexistent. And yet I marvel at his bravery and will.

But in the end, it takes a combination of both qualities to succeed in the world. Sometimes we need to think things through carefully. Other times, we just have to do. I’m still learning the right balance.

For now, I sit back and admire how differently God and their life experiences, including birth order and family dynamics, have made them. I cherish them both and delight that they have unique ways of moving about the world.

My goal is to continue encouraging their unique qualities while helping them open their hearts and minds to the positive attributes of the other; qualities that they both can and should nurture on the road to becoming whole.

Q4U: Describe some differences in your children or special people in your life that both challenge and delight you.

faith fridays: unspoken, but not unanswered, prayer

Statue of Mother Mary, St. Benedict's Monastery

I recently had the experience of being on the receiving end of an answered prayer I hadn’t even had a chance to request.

Maybe it was just dumb luck, some might suggest. Maybe things just worked out, well, just because.

Maybe; it all depends on whether you’re viewing life through the lens of faith.

A couple weeks ago I received an email from one of the religious sisters who heads up the Studium program at St. Benedict’s Monastery in St. Joseph, Minnesota. The program offers a place of solitude for scholars working on projects. I attended Studium the previous two summers but didn’t apply this year due to doubts I would have a project worthy of the program this time around. But I had promised a friend who would be participating that I would go there for a few days during her visit to see her.

Enter the email, which went something like this: “Something has come up and we have an opening at Studium for you, if you’d like to stay a few extra days and work.”

By that time, a project had come into view that had not existed earlier in the year when applications were being accepted. It involved a looming deadline, and others counting on me to meet it. It wasn’t something I could approach at my leisure. Despite my best intentions, I had not yet found the mental space or energy in my busy summer to tackle it. Sustained concentration would be required and the opening hadn’t come. A quiet panic was beginning to settle in.

Within hours after receiving the note, a plan began to unfold. Childcare with the in-laws was arranged, a few other details were reworked, and within a week, I was off to Studium.

It was on the drive there, while stuck in traffic, that I realized I was in the middle of an unspoken but answered prayer. Thank you. Thank you! I whispered to the God I knew was near, already feeling the tremendous lifting of a burden I’d been dragging around for the past month or more.

I can’t help but think about the marks of a good marriage here. When spouses are at their best, when their own needs are getting met, they’re more inclined to anticipate the needs of one another and take action to enhance their spouse’s lives. It’s a sign of true, unconditional love.

In this case, God anticipated my needs then followed through with some Divine work to set things in motion, just like my friend’s husband who gets up early and starts the coffee for her.

It doesn’t always happen this way. In fact, I don’t ever remember such a strong feeling of certainty that God not only knew my heart better than I but anticipated my needs. He probably does this all the time, but I’m not always aware. This time I was fully aware, and flooded with gratitude.

Q4U: When has God anticipated your needs?

writing wednesdays: apricot jam and fresh farm eggs (a writer’s sustenance)

It's good to be home, but it was so wonderful to be away last week. I left Wednesday for a writing retreat, and came back Monday feeling physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually refreshed. (Has anyone else experienced those two simultaneously?) I am still riding high from that blessed time but am fully immersed in home life again, heavily into the logistics of all that we have on the check-list before school starts later this month. Life is such a wonderful mix of tug and release, of fullness and emptiness. We keep moving ahead by embracing all of it.

Take a peek as I relive my recent retreat through my Wednesday post on Peace Garden Writer (the post will appear just after midnight CST, August 4). I'd love to hear about your retreats, vacations or dreams of any to come.

Happy August!

PGM

With other Studium scholars at St. Benedict's Monastery